Say it loud!

I know, I know….I shouldn”t say things like that about myself.  But hey, when a girl hits 290, it tends to make her feel a little……I don”t know……FAT!  The truth is, today I am 40 pounds lighter, and getting ready to hit the downhill slope of the other 50 pounds I intend to lose in the next year.  But not everyone can do that right now….and, no condemnation for that.

So this is in homage to all of you other fluffy sisters (and brothers).  It”s the stuff we don”t talk about with very many people, but we all want to share so we know that we aren”t the only ones dealing with this crud.  (I dealt with it with increasing intensity over the past 20 years, but no more for me!!)  And when we face the reality of it all and finally decide whether or not these are things we want to live with for the rest of our lives (and you aren”t less of a person if you decide you want to), it gives a kind of freedom.

So here is my list of things that I have hated about being fat:

• waving with the arm, and the flab waving after
• washing and wearing only one pair of pants every single day because they are the only ones that fit
• the inner thighs of those pants wearing out long before the rest of the pants
• getting told by the JC Penney”s bra-woman that they don”t carry plus size
• shopping for clothes. ever.
• bending over and running out of breath
• being tired before ever getting out of bed
• raw, rashy inner thighs from sweat
• raw, rashy chest from sweaty breasts (yes, even Christians say “breasts” – and even men have them)
• paying extra for plus size (and yet thong underwear cost more than regular, and there”s less fabric)
• piercing looks from fellow air travelers
• knowing that you should only eat a little, but eating a lot anyways
• TRIANGLES in your SHORTS! you know what I mean…when they ride up at the crotch!
• “Just My Size”….UGH!
• plus-sized socks…really right now? REALLY??
• working out in front of ANYONE
• sabotaging yourself by “rewarding yourself” with food when you lose a couple of pounds
• the illusion of the “diet food” industry…you CAN”T eat more just because it claims to be good for you!
• realizing that the portions restaurants serve you are at least twice what you need and you can eat the whole plate, plus appetizers and cocktails!
• smelly nose grease (if you don”t know what I mean, then you aren”t fat)
• the medical industries total snowjob about all of these mysterious medical issues and their causes, when in reality, most of them are at least sometimes caused by being too d*** FAT! (see: sleep apnea, acid reflux, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue, degenerative disc disease)
• ZERO sex drive, and the absolute ridiculousness of trying to make love at almost 300 pounds!
• crying every time you really REALLY look at yourself in the mirror, or see a photo of yourself
• swollen feet
• the belly roll
• the underarm roll
• the inner thigh roll
• the cankle
• the post-binge-eating food coma
• underwire HURTS!!!

Now, let”s just counteract that with some positives I have finally realized since embarking on my weight loss journey…I have been working out with Crossfit for a year now, minus 2 months for surgery recovery.  I have lost a total of 40 pounds and I intend to lose at least another 60, if not more.

• I have so much more energy, although I do still fight fatigue due to the sheer BUSYNESS of my life and lack of sleep.
• The “rolls” are becoming smaller and smaller, and I am starting to see muscle definition in my legs (calves are HOT!) and my upper arms – SHOCKING! Even my inner thighs are starting to look like normal legs, which I NEVER thought would happen!
• I am ALMOST out of the “20”s” (size, that is).  I”ve been in the “20”s” for almost 10 years now.
• My husband has adopted my eating style and has also lost 40 pounds!  AMAZING! He can breathe again and doesn”t need the apnea machine anymore!!
• Sex.  That”s all I am going to say because you don”t need to know anymore.
• The complete joy that comes over me when I realize that I CAN DO THIS! I don”t need food to medicate myself anymore.  I don”t run to food when I am frustrated, but I do RUN!